I always find something to dream about. Just last night, I had gotten myself so worked up for my best friend from out of state to come for a visit before I really even gave her time to see if it could be done or if it was convenient for her.
Like the character, Pip in Dickens' novel (that this post is named after), I build up impossible fantasies in my head. A simple visit from my best friend mixes with my desire to be myself and find freedom and therefore, in my mind, becomes the best week of my life that will allow me to carry on. Also like Dickens' character, when these illusions fail to materialize, I find myself unable to cope with the reality that was in front of me all along, crash, and shortly thereafter find a new pipe dream.
While this pattern is clearly unhealthy, what is more damaging, to expect too much, or to expect nothing at all?
Great Expectations, ugh. I had to read that in high school and I couldn't stand it. I liked Catcher in the Rye much better. ;P
ReplyDeleteDearest Lauren,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Anne and I "transitioned" almost exactly 40 years ago. I just stumbled across your blog and read it in its entirety. Your "plan" is a good one. You seem to have your head planted squarely on your shoulders and your feet firmly on the ground.
I see no reason why you cannot realize your reality as it should be. After all, it IS YOUR reality and you should 'settle' for nothing less.
Just by way of introduction, I was invited to posta short Bio. and you can find it here...
http://t-central.blogspot.com/2010/07/transition-thoughts-reflections-guest_20.html
Things were much, much different then, but then again, some things will always remain the same. I have been 'mentoring' a young lady just about two years your senior who will be graduating HS in just a few short months. I was able to help her "come out" to her parents and find her a knowlegeable and understanding MD.
If there is anything that you think that I can help you with please, DO contact me. You can find my email via my blogger profile, here...
http://www.blogger.com/profile/02696670919817140802
Be well and best wishes,
Anne