Another Successful Coming Out!

During these past few months that I have not been regularly posting, something incredible has happened!

I had the pleasure of being honest with my grandmother and telling her who I am and what I'm doing. I can just say it was predictable, yet fantastic! I never believed she would have a problem with it, and she certainly didn't! It's sort of funny, seeing as she never would believe that my mom was having a boy until I was actually born. I guess she was right after all!

This is not to say however, that people can always be so predictable. Never allow yourself to believe that someone can't reject you just because you don't think  they will.

I am so lucky to have had such a positive experience this time around, and even luckier to have yet another loved one supporting me! I wish you all the very same acceptane and more!

Write-Offs

To guard your heart, and to avoid being anybody's fool, it is actually quite important to accept in your mind that some people are write-offs.Transsexuals can be put into positions of extreme anxiety when faced with the prospect of what some people will think or say. Much of this anxiety can be alleviated by simply telling yourself the worst is going to happen, and you don't care. While they may never accept you, and they may never be okay, you will.

I have a great deal of experience with this. One example would be that all of my female friends at school know about me, but I haven't told a single straight male. I have two male best friends, Jamie and Cory, and I've already cut myself off from them emotionally and am in the process of coming up with a decent cover story to ensure that I never see them again. Will I miss them? Yes. Do I think I could keep them around if I tried? No. Although I do believe in most cases it is better to actually give people a chance, I also feel that sometimes, it just isn't worth it. A few unexpected allies can crop up, but if the warning signs and ominous clouds are looming over a relationship, it may be best to cut and run.

Kayley's Reaction

I just got off the phone. It was the first time I talked to Kayley after I came out to her. It was emotional, and there was some crying, but she came through for me like I knew she would. She expressed some concern and confusion, as would be expected, but she made it very clear that we will always be friends and she will always have my back. It just feels good to know that there are some people that you can just always count on. This is a very difficult time, but knowing that many people, along with Kayley, will still be with me on the other side. I advise anyone feeling completely alone to come out to someone that you know will accept you. Every time I do, my love, and my world, grows a little bit bigger.

Came Out to Another Friend

Today, after having a wonderful mall day with my friend Kayley and a few of her friends, I knew I couldn't wait any longer to tell her. She is one of my closest friends and I just couldn't bear the feeling that she didn't truly know me. So to bring myself some peace, and to strengthen our bond (hopefully), I sent her this letter:

Dear Kayley,
I've been meaning to tell you something for a very long time, but I have been putting it off. I have held this inside since before you even know me, not because I don't trust that you will always be there for me, but because it is a very difficult thing to discuss. I am not gay. I am a transsexual. This means that I feel that the body assigned to me at birth doesn't match my mind. Inside, I feel like a girl, just like you. This is why (if you've noticed) I flinch when you refer to me as, "your gay best friend," or imply any other masculine thing.I am in the process of changing my outside to match my inside. I have started hormone blockers so that I will not develop any more masculine features, and I am in the process of going through speech therapy to change the way I talk. Pretending to be someone I'm not has caused a lot of conflict in my life and I no longer want to feel like a depressed shell of a person. I plan to live my life as my true self after this year, and that is why I am going to home school for a year or two so I can adjust to my proper gender-role.I had to tell you this  now because I can't keep secrets from you. Of all the people in the world, I HAVE to be real and myself with you. I hope you know that I will still be me, and you will still be my best friend. I know that you love me and I feel that you will be able to come to terms with this. I will be happy to answer any questions you have and I hope that our friendship will remain as strong as ever.
Love always,
your best friend

Covers and Alibis

As I'm writing this, I'm taking Trans-related books of my shelves and counters in the downstairs portion of my house in a swift effort to transproof it for my grandfather when he visits today. This got me to thinking, what's the point? I, along with an army of transsexuals, am guilty of putting off coming out long after I became sure of my path. In the two years I've spent hiding therapist appointments, endocrinologist visits, and shopping with my girlfriends, I hve actually gained nothing but more wasted time with my family. I know believe that there is nothing to be gained from hiding anything because now every moment I spend with these people feels like a complete facade. Even if I can't completely transition for a few months, virtually all my friends at school know, my mother knows, and I feel great being around them because there are no secrets. I think I just need to do it quick like a bandaid and get the rest of my family over with. No longer will I have to pretend that urging me to do male things hurts me, and I will be no one but myself. I know it's time and I plan to end this soon.

Slave to Acceptance

When I first started coming out, I was thrilled everytime someone accepted me. I would cling
to them for dear life like a safety raft and essentially let people do or say whatever just because I felt like I owed them something. I had a situation the other day with a friend who has upset me on numeous occasions and always has some way to turn it around and tell me off. I've been through the same things with other people who hang their so called "approval" over my head as a get out of jail free card. I now realize that I don't owe anyone anything. The world owes all types of people acceptance and it is injust that transsexuals among others do not receive it. I will not allow my life to be ruled by this imaginary caste system that lies and tells us that we belong on the bottom for ring different. Acceptance is not an excuse to emotionally waterboard people and run them into the ground. I will not tolerate anyone mistreating me regardless of whether they accept my trans-status Or not, because I am not a second class citizen and I have done nothing wrong.